Mad Bad & Dangerous To Know

More Anonymous Letters

2011-04-01T19:53:00.000-07:00

Dear Creeper-
Texting a girl - who told you not to text or call her - at 1 in the morning and then refusing to tell her who you are is lame. Doing so two nights in a row is doubly lame.
Posting facebook statuses (public, btw) about how you "thought you met someone special, but maybe not" because the girl you've been harassing - that you talked to on the internet ONE TIME - is happily taken, well that's sad.
Not taking the hint when aforementioned girl then blocks your facebook and verbally reams you the next time you text her just makes you look like an ass.
Texting her a third time after already embarrassing yourself is just stupid.
So I passed along your number. Hope you enjoyed my boy's random rants today- there will be more to come, I'm sure.
Do yourself a favor and leave me the hell alone.
Most Sincerely and Definitely Not Yours,
-AJ

Like A Cross Turned Upside-Down

2011-01-06T21:55:00.000-08:00

Here I lie, staring at
Clouds in shapes of dogs and cats
I hear a woman start to yell
'Oh dear god, I think he fell'

I'm the arrow shot straight to Hell
From the bow of William Tell
My body lies kissing the ground
Like a cross turned upside-down

A priest is rushing to my side
Begins to read me my last rites
Father, you're too late, my faith is weak
So won't you save your halfhearted speech

I'm the arrow shot straight to Hell
From the bow of William Tell
My body lies kissing the ground
Like a cross turned upside-down

A man bends down and says, 'Son,
We're gonna get through this one,
Take my hand and let us pray,'
I scream, 'Please get the fuck away'

I'm the arrow shot straight to Hell
From the bow of William Tell
My body lies kissing the ground
Like a cross turned upside-down

The ambulance is singing as cops push back the crowd
I start to take my last breath, as blood pours out of my mouth
The medic's walking my way- I think this could be it
I hear him start to state 'The time of death is half-past six'...

I'm the arrow... Shot straight to Hell...

-Senses Fail 'The Priest & The Matador'

Costume Party

2010-08-02T22:07:00.000-07:00

ask me my name
and i'll lie
pseudonyms sound prettier
than the truth
any day

halloween city
where i can be
anyone
it's a costume party
and i can be
someone

murderotic moonchild
wears sunglasses in the dark
wears her organs on the outside
but you still can't see her heart

blood-lusting little love-child
ruby tuesday's fucked up twin
leaves her lipstick on your collar
leaves her taste and leaves her sin

ask me where i'm from
and i'll lie
history is what we make it
and this is mine
anyway

masquerade city
where nothing means
anything
it's hollywood, baby
and youth means
everything

cocaine kid with the red lips
and the psycho-starlet grin
nice to meet you, nice to leave you
good to see you, how've you been?

little kitten in the black dress
hides inside the pink champagne
glitter celluloid distractions
and the lies are in her veins

ask me my name
and i'll lie...

photographer: Visions Of Excess
model, styling, and poem: me!

While It Lasts

2010-07-19T23:59:00.000-07:00

we curl in
on one another
in
on ourselves

paper in the fire
flames consume
and create
ashes dancing
with the momentary fireflies
spark-stars
against the black
we can't say
how long we'll
burn
but we'll be
gorgeous
while it lasts

Basements Makes The Best Dungeons

2010-07-19T23:55:00.000-07:00

photo by Conceptually Black
model: me!

Urban Witchcraft

2010-07-19T23:53:00.000-07:00

photo by RachelLauren Photography
model and styling, moi!

Party Favors

2010-07-19T23:52:00.000-07:00

model: Katia Novikova
photo by moi!

Still More Anonymous Letters

2010-07-12T17:01:00.000-07:00

Dear Anonymous-

You're right. People do hate you. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that you use your friends and treat them like shit. Or maybe it's that you make promises that you have no intention of keeping. Or perhaps it's that you're unprofessional, unreliable, and flaky.

Just sayin'.

-Me

Dear Anonymous-

Wouldn't it be cool if you could edit photos in order of when you shot them, instead of which models you're most likely to be able to fuck?

This shit is getting stupid, honey. I don't like it.

-Me

Dear Anonymous-

It's soooo cute that you're trying to give yourself that "bad girl" image... It makes me giggle.

-Me

Dear Anonymous-

I flat out fucking hate you right now. But I know as soon as I see you, I know I won't be able to stay mad. And that makes me hate you even more.

-Me

f o r g o t t e n

2010-07-05T13:47:00.000-07:00

here she stands
forgotten
and someday you'll find
the 35mm evidence
that she was ever
here
at all

(model, photo, styling: moi!)

War Is Hell - Claudia Susana

2010-07-05T06:28:00.000-07:00

"We are young, we have heart
Born in this world as it all falls apart
We are strong, but we don't belong
Born in this world as it all falls apart

I see the children in the rain like the parade before the pain
I see the love, I see the hate, I see this world that we can make
I see the life, I see the sky, give it all to see you fly
Yes, we wave this flag of hatred, but you're the ones who made it

Watch the beauty of all our lies passing right before our eyes
I hear the hate in all your words, all the wars to make us hurt
We get so sick of so sick, we never wanted all this
Medication for the kids with no reason to live

So we march to the drums of the damned as we come
Watch it burn in the sun, we are numb

We are young, we have heart
Born in this world as it all falls apart
We are strong, but we don't belong
Born in this world as it all falls apart

As we walk among these shadows in these streets, these fields of battle
Take it up, we wear the medal, raise your hands with burning candles
Hear us whisper in the dark, in the rain you see the spark
Feel the beating of our hearts, fleeting hope as we depart

All together walk alone against all we've ever known
All we've ever really wanted was a place to call our home
But you take all we are, the innocence of our hearts
Made to kneel before the altar as you tear us apart

So we march to the drums of the damned as we come
Watch it burn in the sun, we are numb

We are young, we have heart
Born in this world as it all falls apart
We are strong, but we don't belong
Born in this world as it all falls apart

We will fight or we will fall till the angels sing our song

We are young, we have heart
Born in this world as it all falls apart
We are strong, but we don't belong
Born in this world as it all falls apart"

-Hollywood Undead 'Young'

(photo by Claudia Susana, styling by me)

Anonymous Rants...

2010-06-29T11:10:00.000-07:00

...cuz I'm in a bitchy fuckin' mood.

Dear Anonymous-

You're a shit model. You have one facial expression, and that ONE always makes you look like you're about to piss your pants in fear. You can pose yourself decently, but the facial expression always ruins it. Your best pictures have your back to the camera.

You (badly) photoshop your body in pictures to get rid of your belly, but you don't have permission from the photographers to edit the images anyway. So you're violating your release terms, on top of false advertising and shitty photoshop-work.

And the fact that you consider yourself a make-up artist is laughable. 75% of your modeling portfolio, you're not even wearing make-up (which you really should, because your dyed-black hair washes you out pretty tragically), and when you do make-up on other models, it's thick, cake-y circus make-up, and even in photos they look like clowns.

I love the fact that you're so convinced you're hot shit. You've never done anything. You've never done fashion shows, you've never been published in a magazine, you've never had your picture in an art gallery, nothing. The only people who shoot with you are GWCs. What makes you so convinced you're god's gift to photography? (And believe me, EVERYBODY knows you think that- going to professional, accomplished models who know what they're doing, get their work somewhere other than model-fucking-mayhem, and make a living doing this, and you have the balls to talk down to them??? You amaze me, and not in the good way.)

And after having the unfortunate opportunity to meet you in person, you're just as rude, self-centered, and obnoxious in person as you are behind the anonymity of the internet... at least you're consistent.

PLEASE do yourself a favor and shut the fuck up.

-Me

Dear Anonymous-

I was really hoping he was wrong. I was really hoping he was just worried, or jealous, or making shit up. I was really hoping he was lying.

But he's not. He's right.

You've been lying to me for over a year. And that hurts more than I can even begin to describe...

-Me

Dear Anonymous-

Could you please stop trying to use me? It won't work.

We're not friends. I thought we were, but friends don't lie to you, friends don't lie about you, and friends don't ditch you the second they get a better offer. We're not friends. You're a model. I'm a model. The end.

-Me

Dear Anonymous-

STOP FUCKING INSTANT-MESSAGING ME!!!

For the love of God, CUT IT THE FUCK OUT! If I had time to talk, I would. But I don't right now. So IM'ing me 30 fucking times over the course of an hour isn't going to improve the situation. It's just gonna piss me off.

And considering the fact that I don't even know you- you know a couple friends of mine, and that's it- I really don't feel too fucking obligated to make small-talk with you when I've got shit to do.

And the fact that you want to "hang out", and that you insist on publicly acting like we're long-lost sisters or something, when we've never even met, kinda creeps me out.

I will talk to you when I have the time. Until then, back the fuck off, girl.

-Me

OK, I feel a bit better... Time for a shower and some retail therapy.

Regret Me, Don't Forget Me- I Want You To Remember

2010-06-07T20:49:00.000-07:00

Photo: me
Model: Dade McHaul

Shattered

2010-06-06T19:44:00.000-07:00

little wings
in pieces
in the
dirt
we will fly
no more

Relocate

2010-06-06T18:19:00.001-07:00

Possible destinations the fates have presented me with:

London
Paris
New York City
Chicago
Washington DC
San Francisco
Tulsa
Houston
Charlotte
Baltimore
Boston
Columbus
Detroit
Philadelphia
Pittsburgh
Denver
Mumbai

Jesus fuck, could ya throw me more of a curve-ball?!?!

I guess this is one of those "wait-and-see" situations...

Keep your fingers crossed I don't end up stranded somewhere in Kentucky, ok?

Debutante Erotique

2010-06-04T00:05:00.000-07:00

Photo: Me
Model: the glamorous, gorgeous and totally rad Terra Incognita

Remember When Being Beautiful Was Enough?

2010-05-24T21:45:00.000-07:00

violent eyes wounded
remember when?

i do.

monday morning call-offs
just to stay
shrouded in the sheets
and buried in each other

whiskey lips
and nicotine fits
medicate me, please
i'll quit tomorrow
but you'll forgive me
because my eyes
are so green

violet nights
rum-taste
songs sung badly
over the radio
polaroids fallen
all over the carpet

i remember when you adored me

lips bitten pink
and wrists cut red
i am the problem child
your mama always warned you about
watch me fall apart
and see how gorgeous
tragedy can be

remember when being beautiful was enough?

NeedyNeedyNeedy

2010-05-24T21:39:00.000-07:00

"We need the longing,
the quiet looks with so many words in them,
the ache deep inside of you,
the teasing temptation,
the words of love,
even the lash of passionate temper..."
-Elisabeth Heffernan

Photo: me
Model: Deana Deadly

Ricochet

2010-05-10T21:02:00.000-07:00

This is a photo I took, all by myself.
The amazing model is Drusilla Parker, who I luv to bits.
And this is how I feel right now.

A Semi-Poetic Rant In Free-Verse

2010-04-25T15:00:00.000-07:00

I've spent so long trying to be someone I can't stand-
diva-glam
glitter-queen
red-lipstick
fake lashes
latexvinylleather
fetish goddess dominatrix
burlesque-beauty
skinny
hourglass-figure
corseted in stripper heels
cleavage
platinum blond
and oh so fucking popular

Someone you'll look up to.
Someone you'll adore.
Someone who graces the stages of night-cities,
whose image burns your retinas in the best way,
whose internet omnipresence is infuriating.

I've spent so long trying to be your hero
that I fucking hate myself
almost as much as I hate her.

Atelier Gothique

2010-04-23T18:59:00.000-07:00

photos by A Owen Layne, jewelry by Atelier Gothique, hair and make-up by moi!

Enfant de Boheme

2010-04-22T15:35:00.000-07:00

another mask-
that's all they want
another pretty little tattooed love thing
another burlesque queen
with flawless features
slip on a wig
become someone new
in stockings with back-seams
and pink-glitter-beaded-panties

I AM NOT WHAT YOU ARE LOOKING FOR

i am a riot waiting to happen
scarred arms and hard hearts
freckled
and laced with the taste of venom
i am a disillusioned child of revolution
forgotten by fame and fate alike
i don't like your music
or your art
i don't strip-
i just naturally come this way
and no-
i won't wear your mask

Another Anonymous Letter

2010-04-18T16:18:00.000-07:00

Dear Anonymous(es)-

How many times have I listened to you say you missed me, beg me to come back, at least to visit? How many times have you said I need to hop on a bus, that I could sleep on your couch if I make it there? How many times have I come to see you?

Now here's the real question- how many times have you come to see me? Why is $25 so much more to you than it is to me? Why is it so much easier for me to get on a bus and ride 3 hours than it is for you to do the exact same thing? Why don't you even fucking try?

So many of you seem to forget that friendship goes both ways, that maybe it isn't entirely my responsibility to make it work every single time...

But no. I only have friends when it's convenient for them, when it doesn't cost them anything. I only have friends when it doesn't require any effort on their part.

I almost don't even want to come back anymore... It feels pointless.

-Me

Narrative Of A Breakdown - Part 1

2010-04-17T23:35:00.000-07:00

A New Kind Of Alchemy

2010-04-14T17:50:00.000-07:00

It's just about time for a new life,
a new adventure,
a new me.

Revise
Reinvent
Repeat

Maybe I'll find a new skyline to stare at,
A new place to call home-base.

Or maybe I'll just be a new girl.

I want to do something I've never done before.

I crave change.

I want to experiment with art,
with life,
with me.

I want to create something
beautiful
memorable
sick and twisted
terrifying
shiny
funny
poisonous
tear-jerking
big
and completely real.

I WANT TO SEE THE WORLD.

I want to get jet-lagged somewhere south of here,
I want to run away to somewhere warm.

I want a new beginning,
not just picking up where I left off,
and I want to start with a BANG.

That's what alchemy means, isn't it?-
taking something worthless
and making gold.

Ba Mhaith Si Go Gortaigh Sibh

2010-04-06T17:01:00.000-07:00

Ba mhaith sibh go dti ga mise den chinheal ceanna sibh athlaimhe go. Ba mhaith sibh go dti bheith i ngra le mise o taobh istigh as baile, bheith i ngra le mise amhail mise aon rud sibh mair ar. Ba mhaith si go dti gortaigh sibh. Ba mhaith sibh go amharc at mise amhail a realta, amhail a slanaitheior, amhail a pianmhar dochas. Ba mhaith sibh go mothaigh ni eigin, rud ar bith... A fhad agus si is tuairim is mise.

Skeleton Dance - by Kollin Bliss

2010-04-04T13:51:00.000-07:00

by Kollin Bliss, hair and make-up by me, bow by GloBows

In Vino Veritas

2010-03-19T21:26:00.000-07:00

A toast- to the end of the world.

(by ME)

Girl Jesus

2010-03-18T16:20:00.000-07:00

"Girl Jesus, you're so thin
Sleep on my cross for your sins
When you ever gonna let me in?
I guess this has to be a kind of redemption

Girl Vampire you're so red
Sleep in a box like you were dead
Just another demon in my head
I wish you'd bite me and then we'd go to bed

Girl Angel you blind my eyes
I sleep on the cloud of your thighs
When you touch me you make me rise
Are you wearing just another disguise?

Girl Satan you love me the most
I am your father son and holy ghost
Will you betray me if you can't get close
Or within the circle of your flames will I roast?"

-from Violet & Claire, by Francesca Lia Block

(self-portrait)

Good Morning Starshine - by Kidtee Hello

2010-03-15T09:20:00.001-07:00

...you're still in my head, but i'm still in your veins...

Why So Dignified?

2010-03-11T21:01:00.000-08:00

I AM
an artist
a goofball
a poet
a nerd
a punk
a lover
a model
a faerie-child
and totally short-bus
why pretend to be serious all the time?

The Truth Hurts, But I'm A Masochist

2010-03-06T22:28:00.000-08:00

tell me again how i am the muse in your mind,
how these broken wings are accidental,
how you'll mend me.

tell me again about your make-believe world,
where everything's perfect,
except when you're the victim.

tell me again why i disregarded the lies so long,
why i was so afraid to speak up,
why i cared.

or for once, just tell me the truth.

Starcrossed No More

2010-03-02T11:24:00.000-08:00

i guess two years
is longer than it seemed
730 days
time flies now that you're gone
time left what was left of us behind

we were never pieces of a whole
just specks of stardust
that found each other
for a while

but when your heart abandoned me
it left behind traces of
romanticized memories
fragments of firelight
stars circling overhead
blue-prints of a future that could've been
breadcrumbs of a love that was
for better or worse

but the truth is-
you can't break my heart
anymore

One Song Glory

2010-02-24T15:05:00.001-08:00

"One song-
Glory
One song-
Before I go
Glory
One song to leave behind
Find-
One song
One last refrain
Glory
From the pretty-boy front-man
Who wasted opportunity

One song
Had the world at his feet
Glory
In the eyes of a young girl
A young girl
Find glory
Beyond the cheap colored lights
One song
Before the sun sets
Glory
On another empty night

Time flies
Time dies
Glory
One blaze of glory
One blaze of glory
Glory

Find glory
In a song that rings true
Truth like a blazing fire
An eternal flame
Find-
One song
A song about love
Glory
From the soul of a young man
A young man

Find-
The one song
Before the virus takes hold
Glory
Like a sunset
One song
To redeem this empty life

Time flies
And there's no need to endure any more
Time dies..."

-'One Song Glory' from RENT

More Anonymous Letters

2010-02-24T10:59:00.001-08:00

Dear Anonymous-

What. The. Fuck.

What's wrong with you?!?! I really wanna fucking know.

I go out of my way to do something nice for you, and THIS is how you act- throwing a fucking temper-tantrum because it's not what you assumed it should be?!

Does absolutely everything in this world have to revolve around your dick?!

I fucking quit. I've put up with your shit for long enough.

Most sincerely,

-Me

Dear Anonymous-

You are, undoubtedly, the biggest sack of shit the world has ever seen.

You pretend to be a friend, but the truth is- in 2 years, you've never said a true word to me.

And y'know what- I dealt with that. I could handle the fact that I couldn't trust a single word out of your mouth.

But I cannot and will not put up with you dragging me into your make-believe world. I WILL NOT be lied about.

Some friend you are...

-Me

Dear Anonymous-

Nobody cares. Crawl back into your abyss and cry about it.

-Me.

Somebody's Nobody - by Conceptually Black

2010-02-23T19:34:00.000-08:00

Ten Bucks Says...

2010-02-23T19:23:00.000-08:00

put your money where your mouth is
and pout sweeter
softer
darling, you bit off
more than you could chew
and i'll believe it
when i see it
when i see you
take a gamble with your passion
just this one time
lay your hand down
throw your cash in
enjoy the ride
if you lose, don't lose yourself, love
but if you win, you win it all
ten bucks says
you'll forget to write
before you forget to crawl

Things That Are Silly

2010-02-09T15:58:00.000-08:00

This is a list of things I find silly:

1) Expressing interest in a model multiple times, then when she wants to schedule with you, send her your rates... and THEN invite her to join your facebook fan-page!

2) Emailing a model to book with you for 3 different events, all within one month, when she's already said "no thank you" repeatedly.

3) Emailing a model at one address, and then when she says "no thank you", emailing her again at her other email address for the same event.

4) Emailing a model to schedule with them at an event they aren't attending.

5) Insisting that a model has available hours at a group-shoot when she's clearly stated she doesn't.

6) Friends who only contact you when they want to bitch about whatever horrible thing is going on in their life, but never want to be there when you need them or talk about anything else, and then get upset when for whatever reason, you can't drop everything to listen to how so-and-so said she's a bitch, and x is dating y, but she's in love with x (only last week, she was in love with s), and blahblahblah

7) Drive-by commenting your ex's pictures, profiles, etc., saying how much you miss them, how bad you want to see them, that you're gonna call and make plans with them, but literally everyone knows you're lying. I'm getting attention, and you want it- plain and simple. You're hundreds of miles away, and you STILL manage to use me... Silliness.

8) The inability to shoot in my kitchen at night because I literally cannot get enough light. :-/

9) Male models. Not all of them of course, but generally, they have a tendency to be quite silly.

10) ModelMayhem- the biggest, most well-disguised popularity contest of all time. It doesn't matter how talented you are, what caliber of work you do, any of that. It's who do you know, how many forum-posts do you have, and how much of your personal life are you willing to make public... Fuck it. If I'm gonna be "famous", it's gonna be for something I actually accomplished.

Thank you, and goodnight.

Can You See Me Now? - by Red Generation

2010-02-04T16:53:00.000-08:00

Can You See Me Now?

Fiction Bitch

2010-02-04T16:35:00.000-08:00

i would love to hear your
hundred and a half
excuses

fiction is
fascinating

at least be original
this time

another fairytale
about how busy
you are

another novel
of reasons
you couldn't
call

baby, you're an encyclopedia
of lies

and i'm not buying
anymore

Witch - by Laura Dark

2010-01-31T11:32:00.000-08:00

In the village live witches nine,
Three in worsted, three in rags, and three in velvet fine.

I Never Told You

2010-01-28T11:38:00.000-08:00

i never told you
how your hair was a wreck
after we slept away the afternoon
kittens in the sun

i never told you
how goofy your laugh is
when you're living on passion-fruit rum
and chemical-joy

i never told you
how stupid you looked
waiting for someone to ask you to dance
instead of moving on your own

i never told you
i would still be holding your hand
if you'd just let me,
my butterfly

Instant Gratification

2010-01-26T22:22:00.000-08:00

reach out
seize a reminder
anything to make you feel
pretty
anything to make you feel
anything at all
release your reservation
relax your muscles
forget your hesitation
arch into the ego
let her words
breathe your confidence

you'll call her again
six months from now

Sci-Fi Setting To A Fantasy Romance

2010-01-20T15:42:00.000-08:00

you're the prettiest alien
i ever made love to
and my tongue still tastes
like your tendrils
starry-eyed
you were the super-nova
i'd always hoped for
every night
when polaris
came to play
i followed through your
galaxies
as long as i could
keep up
but you lost me
somewhere past neptune
and you just left me here
still floating

Mixed Tapes Are So High School

2010-01-17T18:09:00.000-08:00

you're just a
stupid boy
with a
stupid mixed-tape

so why do all these
stupid songs
make me want to
kiss your
stupid face?

I Eat Souls Like Candy

2010-01-17T18:08:00.000-08:00

Say It

2010-01-17T18:03:00.000-08:00

I'm Trying To Think Of
Something
To Say
Something Witty
&
Cute
Something
That Might
Catch
Your Fleeting Attention
I'm Trying To Think Of
Anything
But Stuttering

It Isn't Working

Shaking Hands

2010-01-15T19:59:00.000-08:00

(Hey, Hey)
She had her eyes on the prize as the girl next door
You grow up quick when you grow up poor
It's the only way to LA that she knows
The Hollywood pose: teeth, tits, and toes

It didn't take her long to leave the boulevard
So many Five Star friends with black credit cards
She'd try anything once
Cause anything goes
It never comes easy when you're digging for gold

(Hey, Hey)
Well she ain't no Cinderella
When she's getting undressed
'Cause she rocks it like the naughty wicked witch of the west
Far too pretty to be giving it cheap
That's why she's making six figures working three days a week
Yeah she'd even break a promise in the promise-land
She didn't make it this far by just shaking hands
She'd take your money make it twice as hot as anyone can
She didn't make it this far by just shaking hands

(Hey, Hey)
I doubt she'd even let the devil buy her little black book
City Hall would probably fall off if anyone got a look
Every A-List player is her favorite friend
Since they all taste the same in the back of the Benz
A congressman would call her every once in a while
Got the school girl skirt on the top of the pile
She'd done everyone once
And everyone knows
You got to get a little dirty when you're digging for gold

(Hey, Hey)

Far to pretty to be giving it cheap
That's why she's making six figures working three days a week
Yeah she'd even break a promise in the promise-land
She didn't make it this far by just shaking hands
She'd take your money make it twice is hot as anyone can
She didn't make it this far by just shaking hands

Well someone spilled the beans and now her name's in the press
Tough to keep it all a secret when you're one of the best
The judge is going easy because he paid for her chest
Yeah he loves little naughty wicked witch of the west

Far to pretty to be giving it cheap
That's why she's making six figures working three days a week
Yeah she'd even break a promise in the promise-land
She didn't make it this far by just shaking hands
She'd take your money make it twice is hot as anyone can
She didn't make it this far by just shaking hands
She'd take your money make it twice as hot as anyone can

She didn't make it this far by just shaking hands

-Nickelback 'Shaking Hands'

B E L I E V E

2010-01-12T17:54:00.001-08:00

I'm trying to believe
That love is more than
Trading lies
Taking turns breaking hearts
Imagining forever
And knowing it's make-believe
I'm trying to believe-
But I'm no Cinderella.

The Un-Anonymous Conquest

2010-01-09T18:10:00.001-08:00

i will not
be lost
in your haze
of
pretty
little
girls
in the fog
of
glitterotic
scene
queens
in the labyrinth
of
impressionable
youth

i will not
be forgotten
in your acid-trip
horror film
in your nightmare
montage
in your
porno
thriller

i will stand up
among the
notches
in your belt
and i alone
will remind you-
i have a name

The Seduction Of The Sun- by SPRINGHEEL

2010-01-08T23:26:00.000-08:00

L U C I D

2010-01-08T23:15:00.000-08:00

you come and go
eyes open
eyes close
did i find you in the dream
or in the waking?

your voice doesn't sound
the same
as it used to
rougher now
like you've been smoking
where did you come from?
where did you go?

ask me again
if i remember
where you hid
your reality
maybe
after a caffeine injection
it'll come back to me

i was talking in my sleep again
that's what they tell me
that's what they say
i'm afraid
your name tumbled out
of my lucidity

(webcam self-portrait)

The Time Has Come To Live A Real Life

2010-01-06T22:29:00.000-08:00

"Mary Jane had a castle in Spain..."

(webcam self-portrait)

The One Who Got Away

2010-01-05T22:55:00.001-08:00

I can't help thinking maybe you were the one who asked
If there was such a person
But no.
I know better.

Now I can't help dying a little,
Knowing you read my answer
And that you'll still
Never know
It was you.

Fashionable Antiquity

2010-01-05T12:33:00.000-08:00

tell me what you would've done
at my age
how you would've felt

broken hearts are never in style

glass grace
imagined poise
save face
forget the little boys

broken hearts are never in style

i guess i'm not vogue'ing.

(webcam self-portrait)

Hardcore Kitteh Iz Hardcore

2010-01-05T11:07:00.000-08:00

This is Captain Spaz-tastic.
He is fantastic.
He is also furry, adorable, cuddly, and a total ham!
And bonus points- he's much better behaved than his big brother.

(webcam self-portrait)

The Gypsy's Lament

2010-01-05T10:52:00.000-08:00

worth measured
in page-views
we are only as beautiful as they say we are

images so still
and so sparkling
do i take your breath away?

stare
a little longer
remember me for what i could be

i traveled
my little circle
but here i stay

Maxwell Demon

2010-01-05T10:37:00.000-08:00

This is my little Don Juan,
Maxwell Demon, aka Max Panda.
He hates having his picture taken,
but he LOVES to cuddle.

(webcam self-portrait)

With Involuntary Love

2010-01-04T17:58:00.000-08:00

Dear Anonymous-

Your picture pops up everywhere I turn, every web-page I open, every photo I see... I'd forgotten how beautiful you are... I hate it.

Get out of my head. Get out of my life.

I can't get away from your image, your glistening eyes, no matter how hard I push, and it makes me want to fucking cry.

JUST DISAPPEAR ALREADY.

I had high hopes you would be a flash in the pan; that after a year or so, I'd never have to hear your name, see your shattered scars, wish for you on every penny, star, raindrop, and tunnel.

But no.

Our friends still insist on updating me on everything you do. They show me all your new pictures, let me know whose bed you're sharing now.

I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT.

I don't care anymore... You've made it perfectly clear that you don't care about me...

So please, just stop. Don't email me, don't drunk-dial me, don't tell so-and-so to tell me you say hi, just don't. Just walk away.

And don't let the door hit your perfect little ass on the way out.

With involuntary love,

Me.

Rock This Way

2010-01-04T17:37:00.000-08:00

i'm a mother-fucking rockstar,
and if you don't like it,
turn off the radio.

(webcam self-portrait)

Strippers And Red Wine

2009-12-29T20:06:00.000-08:00

...dear god, i love my life.

Rum Words

2009-12-27T17:53:00.000-08:00

speak in slow-motion
i will read your lips
with mine
try to get inside your mind
dig deeper
push
for the secrets you scream
i want to trust you
but darling
you make it so hard
to give you my heart
without getting my blood on your hands

Well-Behaved Women

2009-12-27T13:09:00.000-08:00

They say I'm bad at being well-behaved.

I prefer to think I'm really, really good at being bad.

(webcam self-portrait)

Smut And Success (Happy Birthday To Me)

2009-12-27T12:43:00.000-08:00

whiskey rebellion
insight my riot
call me kitten
and pet me heavy
i'll wear lace for you
if the price is right
fed-ex'd romance
to make me
beautiful, dirty, and rich

i drink, but don't drive
too blind
alcohol insides
21 and over
and i'm just getting started
happy birthdays
just don't happen
not where i'm from
not in this life

bad news on yule-eves
make me wonder
maybe this could be my life
after all
or maybe i'm just tipsy

wine eyes
and bloody mary ballads
3 days of secrets sleeping
while i wait up
for phones ringing
but best friends never call
when you need them

this get-rich-quick scheme
to replace normalcy
with filth
replace 'perfectly respectable'
with eye candy and lust
i'm taking my life back
one porno at a time
yes, i'm taking my life back
with nicotine and red wine
i hope you understand

Less Is More

2009-12-22T21:40:00.000-08:00

Today I posted in a suicide prevention chat-room.
I didn't say much, I guess- not what I wanted to say anyway.
Just "thank you" to the person who began it.

Maybe that said it all.

Springtime In Hell

2009-12-22T20:51:00.000-08:00

you whispered shadow
your tongue spilled all the things i couldn't say
i am not who i always dreamed of being
but i'm not what they see in me
reflect me
fragmented
the blackest pieces
you spoke my ache
in images
too warped for words
mysticism in kisses
and morbid adoration
i believed
between the two of us
we could make one complete human
and one complete ghost
romanticized self-loathing
and the loss that only comes
when some vital part of you
dies
i thought i knew you
but i only saw
what you offered me
i only saw
myself in you
blush blue
sick and shameful
buried in the beautiful mask
you created
for such an occasion
in tender whispers
you always told me
that wasn't the real you
but i've accepted
'you' isn't real
cling to familiar faces
the same old sweep-you-off-your-feet
but every time
i feel a little
less
than the time before
recalled whispers
before the world ends
you will love me
and i will forget you
chrysanthemums will fall
in your wake
and i will always remember you
in springtime.

Soap-Box Preacher Girl

2009-12-20T13:52:00.000-08:00

i can taste the words
on my tongue

i swallow

nothing to see here, folks
keep moving
the show is over

i choke down the poetry
the diatribe

no one was listening in the first place

i could tell you
all about
the ache of living

but you wouldn't be interested

i could recite verses
on love

but it wouldn't make a difference

i could scream
how sick i am
of living someone else's life

but it wouldn't change anything

i'll just step off the soap-box
wander into the crowd
become anonymous
and silent

VERTIGO

2009-12-14T16:56:00.000-08:00

Deep Inner-Ear Infections-

quite possibly one of the worst things to happen to a girl on the go.

I DON'T HAVE TIME TO BE SICK ANYMORE!!!

you have already destroyed my 3-day weekend, i've lost 6 pounds in 3 days, i can't hear shit, i'm loaded up on more sudafed than you wanna think about, i'm fairly certain my head is imploding, AND I HAVE TO WORK IN THE MORNING!

not to mention laundry, dishes, christmas shopping, and photo-shoots.

fuck. fuckfuckfuck.

damn you, immune system- you were supposed to take care of this.

GRRRRR

Don't Bother, You're Way Too Late

2009-12-07T20:11:00.000-08:00

A year and a half of promises that meant nothing
3 months of kisses and touches that meant even less
and the final realization that you just don't matter...

And I'm just left wondering why I cared in the first place.

Disillusioned

Disgusted

&

Over you at last

Please shut the door on your way out.
It won't be open when you come back.

Keep Up, Kid- You Don't Wanna Miss This

2009-11-27T21:53:00.001-08:00

jet-set sex-kitten
dressed for success
and ready to run
can you keep up?

i didn't think so

maybe i'll move to india
and be a princess
i'll be the only blond
in mumbai
who wears black-patent boots
with 8-inch heels
to bed
on a monday afternoon

i thought you might like that :-)

maybe i'll rocket off
to times square
and dance in the lights
in nothing but sequins
and let the new york rain
wash the glitter from my face
i'll let new york see me
unpainted

or maybe not

maybe i'll fill a french villa
with white grand pianos
and ivory roses
and stomp around the
fragile fragments
of a life
in war-boots
and a wedding gown
just because i can

i wish you could be there to see it

jet-set drama-queen
dressed to kill
with damn good aim
can you keep up?

i didn't think so

(webcam self-portrait)

Bad News

2009-11-27T21:48:00.000-08:00

.baby i thought you knew... i'm up to no good.

(webcam self-portrait)

Falling Out Farther Than I Fell In

2009-11-27T21:22:00.001-08:00

every time they say your name
it hurts just a little
less
i guess i'm finally coming down
from the high
i called fairy-child
your blue eyes
and your white light
seem a little dimmer
with each passing night
and i guess i finally see
i won't die
without you

i'm tired of wishing
on invisible stars
and oxidized pennies
for a girl with your smile
and i guess i'm tired
of praying so hard
but being too scared
to say your name out loud
i told a priest
i think about you every day
and i said-
father, i'm scared i always will
but five hail mary's later
i guess i feel a little better
maybe tomorrow will pass
without your shadow

you are not who i remember
i guess she died across state lines
you are not who i remember
i guess she's really gone
you are not who i remember
cuz she would never lie
you are not who i remember
i just wish she'd said goodbye

every time they say your name
i forget you a little bit
more
i guess the rehab
may have been worth
the pain
and as you left my veins, dear
i clung on to the ache
but i guess i finally see
i'm better off
without you

i'm tired of fighting
to keep your memory
alive
and the songs we used to play
have all gone silent
and i begged the goddess of the night
to take you from my dreams
and darling, i guessed it worked-
i haven't seen your face in weeks

you are not who i remember
i guess she died across state lines
you are not who i remember
i guess she's really gone
you are not who i remember
cuz she would never lie
you are not who i remember
i just wish she'd said goodbye

Tarot Cards Never Give Guarantees

2009-11-26T11:45:00.000-08:00

big changes ahead...
maybe.

.BLOND.

2009-11-22T10:12:00.000-08:00

"I don't think a woman is really a woman
unless she's a blond, y'know?"
-Gia Carangi

maybe i'll dye my hair
let the bleach soak into my brain
inhale the chemical
like you snorted yours
and maybe i'll get extensions
woven in
fake hair to suit my fake self
let the curls fall
around my
breasts
those are real
but only because i don't have the money
maybe i'll be
the prettiest girl
in the world
someday
made entirely of
synthetics
and
paint
i could be perfect too, babe
and maybe then
i could finally say
FUCK YOU

R E I N V E N T

2009-11-19T16:02:00.000-08:00

hold on tight, kids
looks like it's about that time
time to
reinvent
change
begin again
be someone new

i suppose the question is-
where do i begin?
who do i want to be today?
who will i be happy as tomorrow?

i need a
new name
new face
new body
new life

now how do i become HER?

Hours To Wait, No Time To Lose

2009-11-19T12:16:00.000-08:00

i think i'll lose my mind tonight
walk on the water
and wait for the sunrise
i'll shut out the cold
with sad songs
and sadder voices
i'll fall into a sweet sea
and float away
on your sound-waves
you won't miss me
till the morning
when no one
hits the snooze button
for you
and i hope that ringing
in your ears
never dies
i think i'll lose my mind tonight
run to the horizon
and fly

Scarlet Inscription

2009-11-19T11:25:00.000-08:00

spell it out
scarlet letters tell the story
say it again
make me understand
why your desires
mean so much more than mine

release it
all that's left of pride
it's in my blood
and i will carve it out
inscribe your name
a reminder
of who i belong to

Bottom Of The Barrel

2009-11-09T22:14:00.000-08:00

i will swallow your poison
numb the ache
scratch the itch

it burns on the way down
like a cigarette
but stronger

i've been waiting for a long time
count the days
count the hours

forget the soundless screams
roaring hurt
lifeless lies

just forget it ever happened
as i reach the bottom
of the barrel

SnakeBite

2009-11-09T22:03:00.000-08:00

skinny girls
writhing with nightmares
chained in
drawn out
devil girls
shrieking their curses
legs bare
sprinting through corn-fields
tip-toe
past the curtains
cross the wood floors
cracked and caving
trapped inside the old house
with the sting
of her sin

(randomly inspired by Black Snake Moan)

Wine Lust

2009-11-09T21:38:00.001-08:00

i wrote words
and kept hoping you'd read
the secrets at my fingertips
the silence i spilled
i created a new world
of letters and love-songs
i'd waltz with you
if you'd only call
wine-induced reveries
in 35 millimeter
black and white
you were my poems
and now you're nothing
but forever's dream
and tomorrow's regret

R H Y T H M

2009-11-09T10:26:00.000-08:00

rockstars make love
in the middle of the day
taste sweet sweat
feel muscle pulse
take it in
take it all
and give nothing back
arch into his rhythm
and implode

Miss Popular

2009-11-08T22:49:00.000-08:00

i collect names and numbers
like stamps
in a little book
leather bound
spine still stiff

i only open it
to tell myself
i'm popular

yeah, i've got friends all over the world
beautiful people
with beautiful bodies
and beautiful minds

they don't call me by my real name

yeah, i've got friends all over the world
but they're not the kind of friends you call
when you're crying...

Bare Bones Romance

2009-11-08T22:16:00.000-08:00

weighing the options
on a sliding scale
in the room we shared
littered with glossy vogue'ing beauties
in child sized jeans
and too much eyeliner
lions' manes frame skeleton face
it's not a stairway to heaven
it's a ladder
tell me i'm pretty
but i won't believe it
alien angels were always more your style
enjoy your skeletons on the wall
i'll just keep wishing i were taller

Spaghetti Poems

2009-11-08T16:30:00.000-08:00

night doesn't fall here like it did back home
slow and glowing
vivid tangerine rose
here, it comes crashing
heavy
unforgiving
from gray days to black
don't blink
god, i miss the sunset

2010 Travel Plans

2009-11-05T15:46:00.000-08:00

PLACES I WANT TO GO

New York City/Brooklyn/Long Island
Chicago
Nashville
LA
Portland
Toronto
Montreal
Milwaukee
Virginia (especially Alexandria, Springfield, and Woodbridge)
DC
Hollywood
Las Vegas
Houston
Florida (especially Naples, Tampa, St Pete's, and Clearwater Beach)
Boston
Philadelphia
Dallas

anyone who wants to help with travel expenses,
offer a couch to crash on,
or talk about shooting,
please don't hesitate to contact me!

xoxox

G R O U P I E

2009-11-04T19:18:00.000-08:00

i don't want to be the girl
who got backstage
i want to be the one
with the microphone

(a webcam self-portrait)

C R Y P T I C

2009-11-04T19:01:00.000-08:00

the secret lives
of beautiful girls
deviant minds
&
scarred souls
chronicled
for all time
in riddles
that even you
with all the kings horses
and all the kings men
could never put back together
yes, i'm writing about you
but even if you knew
where to find the words
you will never
find the story
in these scars

Victory Is Feeling Empty

2009-11-04T18:42:00.000-08:00

cold
somewhere deeper
in the pit of my stomach
in that place you never reached
hollow
in the core of me
you consumed my insides
i guess i did something right

Ohio Is For Lost Boys

2009-11-04T12:59:00.000-08:00

self-medicate
with drug-words
poems carved into skin
burns that leave you blackened
on the inside
i may not recall your name
but i will never forget your face
every time i drink
it gets more vivid
technicolor memory
rapid cut
change the angle
see the shadows beneath your eyes
see the lies
you whispered the dialogue perfectly
my marilyn
my james dean
hollywood never looked so good
as it does through your rose-colored lens
wish you were here
in ohio
i wish you were here
to feel the cold
i wish you were here
to watch the sun set
i wish you were here

Rabbit Food

2009-11-04T09:54:00.000-08:00

i'm sick of carrots
of living on rabbit food
nicotine
and green tea
in the hopes it'll make me
something i never was-
pretty.
another glass of water
and that's where i draw the line
another cigarette
and i'll be fine
spent hours
wasted in a mirror
wasted away
living reflections
that no one else can see
and echoes of mother dear-
'maybe you shouldn't eat that'
there's a boy that loves me
and tells me i'm sexy
but his blue eyes don't see what i see
maybe you need better glasses, darling
maybe then you'll understand
i'm sick of obsessing
over pictures
of skeleton dances
and runway revivals
staring for hours
at the hip-bone hills
and jacob's ladders
and piano-key ribs
that i could only dream of
5-foot 8-inches
pipe dreams left to smolder
in the ashtray
with my last meal

Butterfly Kisses

2009-11-03T20:19:00.000-08:00

i bit my lip
till red wine poured out
a bitter shimmer
and i painted my kisses ruby
with the taste
you never even looked up
from your diary
from your fan-mail
telecommunicate
or just email
3 hours isn't that long, love
100 miles isn't that far
i'll never be
Miss Worth Your Time
and maybe i never wanted to
a hairspray high
isn't enough
to kill this craving
that's killing me
the phone never rang
not once
and i guess i'm not shocked
like i should be
that's the trouble with butterflies-
watching them fly away
after they land
on your finger

Your Love Lacked Substance

2009-11-03T19:23:00.000-08:00

status quo silence
guess it shouldn't surprise me
i bought sunglasses today
cuz they reminded me of you
rhinestone reality
cheap shine, no substance
i guess that was you
all along

promises like lightning
they die on your lips
and kisses like snowflakes
that don't ever stick
spun-sugar lovers
you left my skin sticky
but i guess that was all there was
to you

E M A C I A T E- by Visions Of Excess

2009-11-03T18:15:00.000-08:00

stretched
spread thin
over an ivory frame
your bones
stab through
just to remind you
they're there
pale
and
skinny
aren't you
pretty?
as you
waste away...

Boyd, we are SOOOO glad you're back!
We did some amazing work this weekend-
let's make more ART!
xoxox

Liquor Life

2009-11-03T18:00:00.000-08:00

the words we can't take back
burn
more than the whiskey
that made us say it
from the start

if you want to love somebody
baby, who am i to stop you?
i'll just need another drink
to wash it down with

fuck me harder
love me deeper
even if it's just for now
i won't remember it in the morning
anyhow
touch me softer
kiss me slower
even if it's just for tonight
for a minute, let me believe
it'll be alright
cuz baby, it'll be alright

and the thoughts that blur and buzz
won't matter when tomorrow comes
and the wine is sweeter now
than it was before

now i lay me down to sleep
this liquor life is killing me
but i'll forget what i said
and the words won't matter anymore

fuck me harder
love me deeper
even if it's just for now
i won't remember it in the morning
anyhow
touch me softer
kiss me slower
even if it's just for tonight
for a minute, let me believe
it'll be alright
cuz baby, it'll be alright

Like The First Time- by SPRINGHEEL

2009-11-02T09:32:00.000-08:00

it was just like the first time
a hand on my shoulder
a shadow kiss
and then nothing
but the shards of beauty
and a memory of the things we can't do over

Clint, darlin', you always make me look so perfect!
Thank you for dancing with me.
<3

RockStar- by Jose G

2009-11-01T13:17:00.000-08:00

This shot makes me look like something out of Rolling Stone, and I love it!
Thank you, Jose! xox

Trust Is Overrated.

2009-11-01T13:12:00.000-08:00

it makes me really sad when you give someone a second chance (or a third... or a seventh...) and they still fall through... maybe i trust people too easily, or maybe i'm just trusting the wrong people entirely, but either way- i guess i shouldn't have.

people say they want to repair friendships between us, people say they promise, people say they care... they don't. people say they want to be a part of my life... they don't. people say i mean so much to them... i don't; at least not enough for them to keep a simple promise or show an ounce of respect.

fuck it. maybe i'll just be a hermit.

Miss Muse & Valentine - by Little Ghost

2009-10-28T18:21:00.000-07:00

Radio Romance

2009-10-28T17:20:00.000-07:00

A song came on the radio
And you just had to call
Just to let me know it reminded you of me
A song came on the radio
The voice was rough and low
Singing 'bout a girl he used to know, just like me

I'm watching the football team
From a tiny apartment across the street
So I'll light another cigarette
And think of you
I'm watching the crowd roar
But I'm thinking 'bout your guitar
So I'll light another cigarette
And wish for you

A song came on the radio
And it always brings you to mind
The tail-lights speed by, but I don't notice anymore
A song came on the radio
Brought up the thoughts of the rest of my life
The pub pays just fine, but I'm always gonna want more

I'm watching the football team
From a tiny apartment across the street
So I'll light another cigarette
And think of you
I'm watching the crowd roar
But I'm thinking 'bout your guitar
So I'll light another cigarette
And wish for you

Do you think of me when you smell Marlboros?
Do you think of me when you drink Jack?
Do you think of me when our song plays?
Do you wish that I'd come back?

A song came on the radio
As I walked home alone
And I wish I could tell you I still know all your favorite songs
A song came on the radio
The voice was rough and low
Singing about a green-eyed girl who's long gone

I'm watching the football team
From a tiny apartment across the street
So I'll light another cigarette
And think of you
I'm watching the crowd roar
But I'm thinking 'bout your guitar
So I'll light another cigarette
And wish for you

Do you think of me when you smell Marlboros?
Do you think of me when you drink Jack?
Do you think of me when our song plays?
Do you wish that I'd come back?

Our song came on the radio...

Candy Queen

2009-10-26T20:32:00.000-07:00

promises like strawberries
kisses like chocolate drizzle
you are my candy-cocaine
and i'm your sugar-baby

D O T H A I N

2009-10-26T10:16:00.000-07:00

Dothain. Ta mna orm.
Ma ceanuil me a leitheid de ualach ar tu, lanstad.
Stad bruscar bhur trath ar mise.
Feasta nach pog mise, feasta nach creid mise, agus go cinnte feasta nach gneas mise...
Bheith i ngra le mise no feasta nach, ach feasta nach leid mise ar aon tuilleadh.
Tu stanaigh nach bi araon mo leannan agus mo comradai seomra.
Tu stanaigh nach bheith ag suil le mise go dti adhair sibh, mill sibh, mair aonair do sibh, ma tu diultaigh go dti caith le mise mar rud ar bith breis na coir bhur striapach agus bean ti.
Iad seo doru sna na gaineamh.
Mise murach bi ag urnai i gcomhair bhur scothuil.