Monday, August 2, 2010

Costume Party


ask me my name
and i'll lie
pseudonyms sound prettier
than the truth
any day

halloween city
where i can be
anyone
it's a costume party
and i can be
someone

murderotic moonchild
wears sunglasses in the dark
wears her organs on the outside
but you still can't see her heart

blood-lusting little love-child
ruby tuesday's fucked up twin
leaves her lipstick on your collar
leaves her taste and leaves her sin

ask me where i'm from
and i'll lie
history is what we make it
and this is mine
anyway

masquerade city
where nothing means
anything
it's hollywood, baby
and youth means
everything

cocaine kid with the red lips
and the psycho-starlet grin
nice to meet you, nice to leave you
good to see you, how've you been?

little kitten in the black dress
hides inside the pink champagne
glitter celluloid distractions
and the lies are in her veins

ask me my name
and i'll lie...



photographer: Visions Of Excess
model, styling, and poem: me!

Monday, July 19, 2010

While It Lasts

we curl in
on one another
in
on ourselves
paper in the fire
flames consume
and create
ashes dancing
with the momentary fireflies
spark-stars
against the black
we can't say
how long we'll
burn
but we'll be
gorgeous
while it lasts

Basements Makes The Best Dungeons



photo by Conceptually Black
model: me!

Urban Witchcraft



photo by RachelLauren Photography

model and styling, moi!

Party Favors



model: Katia Novikova

photo by moi!

Monday, July 12, 2010

Still More Anonymous Letters

Dear Anonymous-

You're right. People do hate you. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that you use your friends and treat them like shit. Or maybe it's that you make promises that you have no intention of keeping. Or perhaps it's that you're unprofessional, unreliable, and flaky.

Just sayin'.

-Me



Dear Anonymous-

Wouldn't it be cool if you could edit photos in order of when you shot them, instead of which models you're most likely to be able to fuck?

This shit is getting stupid, honey. I don't like it.

-Me



Dear Anonymous-

It's soooo cute that you're trying to give yourself that "bad girl" image... It makes me giggle.

-Me



Dear Anonymous-

I flat out fucking hate you right now. But I know as soon as I see you, I know I won't be able to stay mad. And that makes me hate you even more.

-Me

Monday, July 5, 2010

f o r g o t t e n




here she stands
forgotten
and someday you'll find
the 35mm evidence
that she was ever
here
at all



(model, photo, styling: moi!)

War Is Hell - Claudia Susana


"We are young, we have heart
Born in this world as it all falls apart
We are strong, but we don't belong
Born in this world as it all falls apart

I see the children in the rain like the parade before the pain
I see the love, I see the hate, I see this world that we can make
I see the life, I see the sky, give it all to see you fly
Yes, we wave this flag of hatred, but you're the ones who made it

Watch the beauty of all our lies passing right before our eyes
I hear the hate in all your words, all the wars to make us hurt
We get so sick of so sick, we never wanted all this
Medication for the kids with no reason to live

So we march to the drums of the damned as we come
Watch it burn in the sun, we are numb

We are young, we have heart
Born in this world as it all falls apart
We are strong, but we don't belong
Born in this world as it all falls apart

As we walk among these shadows in these streets, these fields of battle
Take it up, we wear the medal, raise your hands with burning candles
Hear us whisper in the dark, in the rain you see the spark
Feel the beating of our hearts, fleeting hope as we depart

All together walk alone against all we've ever known
All we've ever really wanted was a place to call our home
But you take all we are, the innocence of our hearts
Made to kneel before the altar as you tear us apart

So we march to the drums of the damned as we come
Watch it burn in the sun, we are numb

We are young, we have heart
Born in this world as it all falls apart
We are strong, but we don't belong
Born in this world as it all falls apart

We will fight or we will fall till the angels sing our song

We are young, we have heart
Born in this world as it all falls apart
We are strong, but we don't belong
Born in this world as it all falls apart"


-Hollywood Undead 'Young'


(photo by Claudia Susana, styling by me)

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Anonymous Rants...

...cuz I'm in a bitchy fuckin' mood.



Dear Anonymous-

You're a shit model. You have one facial expression, and that ONE always makes you look like you're about to piss your pants in fear. You can pose yourself decently, but the facial expression always ruins it. Your best pictures have your back to the camera.

You (badly) photoshop your body in pictures to get rid of your belly, but you don't have permission from the photographers to edit the images anyway. So you're violating your release terms, on top of false advertising and shitty photoshop-work.

And the fact that you consider yourself a make-up artist is laughable. 75% of your modeling portfolio, you're not even wearing make-up (which you really should, because your dyed-black hair washes you out pretty tragically), and when you do make-up on other models, it's thick, cake-y circus make-up, and even in photos they look like clowns.

I love the fact that you're so convinced you're hot shit. You've never done anything. You've never done fashion shows, you've never been published in a magazine, you've never had your picture in an art gallery, nothing. The only people who shoot with you are GWCs. What makes you so convinced you're god's gift to photography? (And believe me, EVERYBODY knows you think that- going to professional, accomplished models who know what they're doing, get their work somewhere other than model-fucking-mayhem, and make a living doing this, and you have the balls to talk down to them??? You amaze me, and not in the good way.)

And after having the unfortunate opportunity to meet you in person, you're just as rude, self-centered, and obnoxious in person as you are behind the anonymity of the internet... at least you're consistent.

PLEASE do yourself a favor and shut the fuck up.

-Me



Dear Anonymous-

I was really hoping he was wrong. I was really hoping he was just worried, or jealous, or making shit up. I was really hoping he was lying.

But he's not. He's right.

You've been lying to me for over a year. And that hurts more than I can even begin to describe...

-Me



Dear Anonymous-

Could you please stop trying to use me? It won't work.

We're not friends. I thought we were, but friends don't lie to you, friends don't lie about you, and friends don't ditch you the second they get a better offer. We're not friends. You're a model. I'm a model. The end.

-Me



Dear Anonymous-

STOP FUCKING INSTANT-MESSAGING ME!!!

For the love of God, CUT IT THE FUCK OUT! If I had time to talk, I would. But I don't right now. So IM'ing me 30 fucking times over the course of an hour isn't going to improve the situation. It's just gonna piss me off.

And considering the fact that I don't even know you- you know a couple friends of mine, and that's it- I really don't feel too fucking obligated to make small-talk with you when I've got shit to do.

And the fact that you want to "hang out", and that you insist on publicly acting like we're long-lost sisters or something, when we've never even met, kinda creeps me out.

I will talk to you when I have the time. Until then, back the fuck off, girl.

-Me



OK, I feel a bit better... Time for a shower and some retail therapy.

Monday, June 7, 2010

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Shattered


little wings
in pieces
in the
dirt
we will fly
no more

Relocate

Possible destinations the fates have presented me with:

London
Paris
New York City
Chicago
Washington DC
San Francisco
Tulsa
Houston
Charlotte
Baltimore
Boston
Columbus
Detroit
Philadelphia
Pittsburgh
Denver
Mumbai

Jesus fuck, could ya throw me more of a curve-ball?!?!

I guess this is one of those "wait-and-see" situations...

Keep your fingers crossed I don't end up stranded somewhere in Kentucky, ok?

Friday, June 4, 2010

Debutante Erotique




Photo: Me
Model: the glamorous, gorgeous and totally rad Terra Incognita


Monday, May 24, 2010

Remember When Being Beautiful Was Enough?

violent eyes wounded
remember when?

i do.

monday morning call-offs
just to stay
shrouded in the sheets
and buried in each other

whiskey lips
and nicotine fits
medicate me, please
i'll quit tomorrow
but you'll forgive me
because my eyes
are so green

violet nights
rum-taste
songs sung badly
over the radio
polaroids fallen
all over the carpet

i remember when you adored me

lips bitten pink
and wrists cut red
i am the problem child
your mama always warned you about
watch me fall apart
and see how gorgeous
tragedy can be

remember when being beautiful was enough?

NeedyNeedyNeedy


"We need the longing,
the quiet looks with so many words in them,
the ache deep inside of you,
the teasing temptation,
the words of love,
even the lash of passionate temper..."
-Elisabeth Heffernan



Photo: me
Model: Deana Deadly

Monday, May 10, 2010

Ricochet


This is a photo I took, all by myself.
The amazing model is Drusilla Parker, who I luv to bits.
And this is how I feel right now.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

A Semi-Poetic Rant In Free-Verse

I've spent so long trying to be someone I can't stand-
diva-glam
glitter-queen
red-lipstick
fake lashes
latexvinylleather
fetish goddess dominatrix
burlesque-beauty
skinny
hourglass-figure
corseted in stripper heels
cleavage
platinum blond
and oh so fucking popular

Someone you'll look up to.
Someone you'll adore.
Someone who graces the stages of night-cities,
whose image burns your retinas in the best way,
whose internet omnipresence is infuriating.

I've spent so long trying to be your hero
that I fucking hate myself
almost as much as I hate her.

Friday, April 23, 2010

Atelier Gothique



photos by A Owen Layne, jewelry by Atelier Gothique, hair and make-up by moi!

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Enfant de Boheme

another mask-
that's all they want
another pretty little tattooed love thing
another burlesque queen
with flawless features
slip on a wig
become someone new
in stockings with back-seams
and pink-glitter-beaded-panties

I AM NOT WHAT YOU ARE LOOKING FOR

i am a riot waiting to happen
scarred arms and hard hearts
freckled
and laced with the taste of venom
i am a disillusioned child of revolution
forgotten by fame and fate alike
i don't like your music
or your art
i don't strip-
i just naturally come this way
and no-
i won't wear your mask

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Another Anonymous Letter

Dear Anonymous(es)-

How many times have I listened to you say you missed me, beg me to come back, at least to visit? How many times have you said I need to hop on a bus, that I could sleep on your couch if I make it there? How many times have I come to see you?

Now here's the real question- how many times have you come to see me? Why is $25 so much more to you than it is to me? Why is it so much easier for me to get on a bus and ride 3 hours than it is for you to do the exact same thing? Why don't you even fucking try?

So many of you seem to forget that friendship goes both ways, that maybe it isn't entirely my responsibility to make it work every single time...

But no. I only have friends when it's convenient for them, when it doesn't cost them anything. I only have friends when it doesn't require any effort on their part.

I almost don't even want to come back anymore... It feels pointless.

-Me

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

A New Kind Of Alchemy

It's just about time for a new life,
a new adventure,
a new me.

Revise
Reinvent
Repeat

Maybe I'll find a new skyline to stare at,
A new place to call home-base.

Or maybe I'll just be a new girl.

I want to do something I've never done before.

I crave change.

I want to experiment with art,
with life,
with me.

I want to create something
beautiful
memorable
sick and twisted
terrifying
shiny
funny
poisonous
tear-jerking
big
and completely real.

I WANT TO SEE THE WORLD.

I want to get jet-lagged somewhere south of here,
I want to run away to somewhere warm.

I want a new beginning,
not just picking up where I left off,
and I want to start with a BANG.

That's what alchemy means, isn't it?-
taking something worthless
and making gold.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Ba Mhaith Si Go Gortaigh Sibh

Ba mhaith sibh go dti ga mise den chinheal ceanna sibh athlaimhe go. Ba mhaith sibh go dti bheith i ngra le mise o taobh istigh as baile, bheith i ngra le mise amhail mise aon rud sibh mair ar. Ba mhaith si go dti gortaigh sibh. Ba mhaith sibh go amharc at mise amhail a realta, amhail a slanaitheior, amhail a pianmhar dochas. Ba mhaith sibh go mothaigh ni eigin, rud ar bith... A fhad agus si is tuairim is mise.

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Skeleton Dance - by Kollin Bliss


by Kollin Bliss, hair and make-up by me, bow by GloBows

Friday, March 19, 2010

In Vino Veritas


A toast- to the end of the world.



(by ME)

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Girl Jesus


"Girl Jesus, you're so thin
Sleep on my cross for your sins
When you ever gonna let me in?
I guess this has to be a kind of redemption

Girl Vampire you're so red
Sleep in a box like you were dead
Just another demon in my head
I wish you'd bite me and then we'd go to bed

Girl Angel you blind my eyes
I sleep on the cloud of your thighs
When you touch me you make me rise
Are you wearing just another disguise?

Girl Satan you love me the most
I am your father son and holy ghost
Will you betray me if you can't get close
Or within the circle of your flames will I roast?"



-from Violet & Claire, by Francesca Lia Block



(self-portrait)

Monday, March 15, 2010

Good Morning Starshine - by Kidtee Hello


...you're still in my head, but i'm still in your veins...

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Why So Dignified?


I AM
an artist
a goofball
a poet
a nerd
a punk
a lover
a model
a faerie-child
and totally short-bus
why pretend to be serious all the time?

Saturday, March 6, 2010

The Truth Hurts, But I'm A Masochist

tell me again how i am the muse in your mind,
how these broken wings are accidental,
how you'll mend me.

tell me again about your make-believe world,
where everything's perfect,
except when you're the victim.

tell me again why i disregarded the lies so long,
why i was so afraid to speak up,
why i cared.

or for once, just tell me the truth.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Starcrossed No More

i guess two years
is longer than it seemed
730 days
time flies now that you're gone
time left what was left of us behind

we were never pieces of a whole
just specks of stardust
that found each other
for a while

but when your heart abandoned me
it left behind traces of
romanticized memories
fragments of firelight
stars circling overhead
blue-prints of a future that could've been
breadcrumbs of a love that was
for better or worse

but the truth is-
you can't break my heart
anymore

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

One Song Glory

"One song-
Glory
One song-
Before I go
Glory
One song to leave behind
Find-
One song
One last refrain
Glory
From the pretty-boy front-man
Who wasted opportunity

One song
Had the world at his feet
Glory
In the eyes of a young girl
A young girl
Find glory
Beyond the cheap colored lights
One song
Before the sun sets
Glory
On another empty night

Time flies
Time dies
Glory
One blaze of glory
One blaze of glory
Glory

Find glory
In a song that rings true
Truth like a blazing fire
An eternal flame
Find-
One song
A song about love
Glory
From the soul of a young man
A young man

Find-
The one song
Before the virus takes hold
Glory
Like a sunset
One song
To redeem this empty life

Time flies
And there's no need to endure any more
Time dies..."



-'One Song Glory' from RENT

More Anonymous Letters

Dear Anonymous-

What. The. Fuck.

What's wrong with you?!?! I really wanna fucking know.

I go out of my way to do something nice for you, and THIS is how you act- throwing a fucking temper-tantrum because it's not what you assumed it should be?!

Does absolutely everything in this world have to revolve around your dick?!

I fucking quit. I've put up with your shit for long enough.

Most sincerely,

-Me



Dear Anonymous-

You are, undoubtedly, the biggest sack of shit the world has ever seen.

You pretend to be a friend, but the truth is- in 2 years, you've never said a true word to me.

And y'know what- I dealt with that. I could handle the fact that I couldn't trust a single word out of your mouth.

But I cannot and will not put up with you dragging me into your make-believe world. I WILL NOT be lied about.

Some friend you are...

-Me



Dear Anonymous-

Nobody cares. Crawl back into your abyss and cry about it.

-Me.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Somebody's Nobody - by Conceptually Black

Ten Bucks Says...

put your money where your mouth is
and pout sweeter
softer
darling, you bit off
more than you could chew
and i'll believe it
when i see it
when i see you
take a gamble with your passion
just this one time
lay your hand down
throw your cash in
enjoy the ride
if you lose, don't lose yourself, love
but if you win, you win it all
ten bucks says
you'll forget to write
before you forget to crawl

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Things That Are Silly

This is a list of things I find silly:



1) Expressing interest in a model multiple times, then when she wants to schedule with you, send her your rates... and THEN invite her to join your facebook fan-page!

2) Emailing a model to book with you for 3 different events, all within one month, when she's already said "no thank you" repeatedly.

3) Emailing a model at one address, and then when she says "no thank you", emailing her again at her other email address for the same event.

4) Emailing a model to schedule with them at an event they aren't attending.

5) Insisting that a model has available hours at a group-shoot when she's clearly stated she doesn't.

6) Friends who only contact you when they want to bitch about whatever horrible thing is going on in their life, but never want to be there when you need them or talk about anything else, and then get upset when for whatever reason, you can't drop everything to listen to how so-and-so said she's a bitch, and x is dating y, but she's in love with x (only last week, she was in love with s), and blahblahblah

7) Drive-by commenting your ex's pictures, profiles, etc., saying how much you miss them, how bad you want to see them, that you're gonna call and make plans with them, but literally everyone knows you're lying. I'm getting attention, and you want it- plain and simple. You're hundreds of miles away, and you STILL manage to use me... Silliness.

8) The inability to shoot in my kitchen at night because I literally cannot get enough light. :-/

9) Male models. Not all of them of course, but generally, they have a tendency to be quite silly.

10) ModelMayhem- the biggest, most well-disguised popularity contest of all time. It doesn't matter how talented you are, what caliber of work you do, any of that. It's who do you know, how many forum-posts do you have, and how much of your personal life are you willing to make public... Fuck it. If I'm gonna be "famous", it's gonna be for something I actually accomplished.



Thank you, and goodnight.

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Can You See Me Now? - by Red Generation


Can You See Me Now?

Fiction Bitch

i would love to hear your
hundred and a half
excuses

fiction is
fascinating

at least be original
this time

another fairytale
about how busy
you are

another novel
of reasons
you couldn't
call

baby, you're an encyclopedia
of lies

and i'm not buying
anymore

Sunday, January 31, 2010

Witch - by Laura Dark


In the village live witches nine,
Three in worsted, three in rags, and three in velvet fine.


Thursday, January 28, 2010

I Never Told You

i never told you
how your hair was a wreck
after we slept away the afternoon
kittens in the sun

i never told you
how goofy your laugh is
when you're living on passion-fruit rum
and chemical-joy

i never told you
how stupid you looked
waiting for someone to ask you to dance
instead of moving on your own

i never told you
i would still be holding your hand
if you'd just let me,
my butterfly

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Instant Gratification

reach out
seize a reminder
anything to make you feel
pretty
anything to make you feel
anything at all
release your reservation
relax your muscles
forget your hesitation
arch into the ego
let her words
breathe your confidence

you'll call her again
six months from now

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Sci-Fi Setting To A Fantasy Romance



you're the prettiest alien
i ever made love to
and my tongue still tastes
like your tendrils
starry-eyed
you were the super-nova
i'd always hoped for
every night
when polaris
came to play
i followed through your
galaxies
as long as i could
keep up
but you lost me
somewhere past neptune
and you just left me here
still floating

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Mixed Tapes Are So High School

you're just a
stupid boy
with a
stupid mixed-tape

so why do all these
stupid songs
make me want to
kiss your
stupid face?

I Eat Souls Like Candy

Say It

I'm Trying To Think Of
Something
To Say
Something Witty
&
Cute
Something
That Might
Catch
Your Fleeting Attention
I'm Trying To Think Of
Anything
But Stuttering

It Isn't Working

Friday, January 15, 2010

Shaking Hands

(Hey, Hey)
She had her eyes on the prize as the girl next door
You grow up quick when you grow up poor
It's the only way to LA that she knows
The Hollywood pose: teeth, tits, and toes

It didn't take her long to leave the boulevard
So many Five Star friends with black credit cards
She'd try anything once
Cause anything goes
It never comes easy when you're digging for gold

(Hey, Hey)
Well she ain't no Cinderella
When she's getting undressed
'Cause she rocks it like the naughty wicked witch of the west
Far too pretty to be giving it cheap
That's why she's making six figures working three days a week
Yeah she'd even break a promise in the promise-land
She didn't make it this far by just shaking hands
She'd take your money make it twice as hot as anyone can
She didn't make it this far by just shaking hands

(Hey, Hey)
I doubt she'd even let the devil buy her little black book
City Hall would probably fall off if anyone got a look
Every A-List player is her favorite friend
Since they all taste the same in the back of the Benz
A congressman would call her every once in a while
Got the school girl skirt on the top of the pile
She'd done everyone once
And everyone knows
You got to get a little dirty when you're digging for gold

(Hey, Hey)

Far to pretty to be giving it cheap
That's why she's making six figures working three days a week
Yeah she'd even break a promise in the promise-land
She didn't make it this far by just shaking hands
She'd take your money make it twice is hot as anyone can
She didn't make it this far by just shaking hands

Well someone spilled the beans and now her name's in the press
Tough to keep it all a secret when you're one of the best
The judge is going easy because he paid for her chest
Yeah he loves little naughty wicked witch of the west

Far to pretty to be giving it cheap
That's why she's making six figures working three days a week
Yeah she'd even break a promise in the promise-land
She didn't make it this far by just shaking hands
She'd take your money make it twice is hot as anyone can
She didn't make it this far by just shaking hands
She'd take your money make it twice as hot as anyone can
She didn't make it this far by just shaking hands



-Nickelback 'Shaking Hands'

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

B E L I E V E

I'm trying to believe
That love is more than
Trading lies
Taking turns breaking hearts
Imagining forever
And knowing it's make-believe
I'm trying to believe-
But I'm no Cinderella.

Saturday, January 9, 2010

The Un-Anonymous Conquest

i will not
be lost
in your haze
of
pretty
little
girls
in the fog
of
glitterotic
scene
queens
in the labyrinth
of
impressionable
youth

i will not
be forgotten
in your acid-trip
horror film
in your nightmare
montage
in your
porno
thriller

i will stand up
among the
notches
in your belt
and i alone
will remind you-
i have a name

Friday, January 8, 2010

The Seduction Of The Sun- by SPRINGHEEL

L U C I D



you come and go
eyes open
eyes close
did i find you in the dream
or in the waking?

your voice doesn't sound
the same
as it used to
rougher now
like you've been smoking
where did you come from?
where did you go?

ask me again
if i remember
where you hid
your reality
maybe
after a caffeine injection
it'll come back to me

i was talking in my sleep again
that's what they tell me
that's what they say
i'm afraid
your name tumbled out
of my lucidity



(webcam self-portrait)

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

The Time Has Come To Live A Real Life


"Mary Jane had a castle in Spain..."



(webcam self-portrait)

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

The One Who Got Away

I can't help thinking maybe you were the one who asked
If there was such a person
But no.
I know better.

Now I can't help dying a little,
Knowing you read my answer
And that you'll still
Never know
It was you.

Fashionable Antiquity


tell me what you would've done
at my age
how you would've felt

broken hearts are never in style

glass grace
imagined poise
save face
forget the little boys

broken hearts are never in style

i guess i'm not vogue'ing.



(webcam self-portrait)

Hardcore Kitteh Iz Hardcore


This is Captain Spaz-tastic.
He is fantastic.
He is also furry, adorable, cuddly, and a total ham!
And bonus points- he's much better behaved than his big brother.



(webcam self-portrait)

The Gypsy's Lament

worth measured
in page-views
we are only as beautiful as they say we are

images so still
and so sparkling
do i take your breath away?

stare
a little longer
remember me for what i could be

i traveled
my little circle
but here i stay

Maxwell Demon


This is my little Don Juan,
Maxwell Demon, aka Max Panda.
He hates having his picture taken,
but he LOVES to cuddle.



(webcam self-portrait)

Monday, January 4, 2010

With Involuntary Love

Dear Anonymous-

Your picture pops up everywhere I turn, every web-page I open, every photo I see... I'd forgotten how beautiful you are... I hate it.

Get out of my head. Get out of my life.

I can't get away from your image, your glistening eyes, no matter how hard I push, and it makes me want to fucking cry.

JUST DISAPPEAR ALREADY.

I had high hopes you would be a flash in the pan; that after a year or so, I'd never have to hear your name, see your shattered scars, wish for you on every penny, star, raindrop, and tunnel.

But no.

Our friends still insist on updating me on everything you do. They show me all your new pictures, let me know whose bed you're sharing now.

I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT.

I don't care anymore... You've made it perfectly clear that you don't care about me...

So please, just stop. Don't email me, don't drunk-dial me, don't tell so-and-so to tell me you say hi, just don't. Just walk away.

And don't let the door hit your perfect little ass on the way out.

With involuntary love,

Me.

Rock This Way


i'm a mother-fucking rockstar,

and if you don't like it,
turn off the radio.



(webcam self-portrait)