Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Strippers And Red Wine

...dear god, i love my life.

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Rum Words

speak in slow-motion
i will read your lips
with mine
try to get inside your mind
dig deeper
push
for the secrets you scream
i want to trust you
but darling
you make it so hard
to give you my heart
without getting my blood on your hands

Well-Behaved Women



They say I'm bad at being well-behaved.

I prefer to think I'm really, really good at being bad.



(webcam self-portrait)

Smut And Success (Happy Birthday To Me)

whiskey rebellion
insight my riot
call me kitten
and pet me heavy
i'll wear lace for you
if the price is right
fed-ex'd romance
to make me
beautiful, dirty, and rich

i drink, but don't drive
too blind
alcohol insides
21 and over
and i'm just getting started
happy birthdays
just don't happen
not where i'm from
not in this life

bad news on yule-eves
make me wonder
maybe this could be my life
after all
or maybe i'm just tipsy

wine eyes
and bloody mary ballads
3 days of secrets sleeping
while i wait up
for phones ringing
but best friends never call
when you need them

this get-rich-quick scheme
to replace normalcy
with filth
replace 'perfectly respectable'
with eye candy and lust
i'm taking my life back
one porno at a time
yes, i'm taking my life back
with nicotine and red wine
i hope you understand

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Less Is More




Today I posted in a suicide prevention chat-room.
I didn't say much, I guess- not what I wanted to say anyway.
Just "thank you" to the person who began it.



Maybe that said it all.

Springtime In Hell

you whispered shadow
your tongue spilled all the things i couldn't say
i am not who i always dreamed of being
but i'm not what they see in me
reflect me
fragmented
the blackest pieces
you spoke my ache
in images
too warped for words
mysticism in kisses
and morbid adoration
i believed
between the two of us
we could make one complete human
and one complete ghost
romanticized self-loathing
and the loss that only comes
when some vital part of you
dies
i thought i knew you
but i only saw
what you offered me
i only saw
myself in you
blush blue
sick and shameful
buried in the beautiful mask
you created
for such an occasion
in tender whispers
you always told me
that wasn't the real you
but i've accepted
'you' isn't real
cling to familiar faces
the same old sweep-you-off-your-feet
but every time
i feel a little
less
than the time before
recalled whispers
before the world ends
you will love me
and i will forget you
chrysanthemums will fall
in your wake
and i will always remember you
in springtime.

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Soap-Box Preacher Girl

i can taste the words
on my tongue

i swallow

nothing to see here, folks
keep moving
the show is over

i choke down the poetry
the diatribe

no one was listening in the first place

i could tell you
all about
the ache of living

but you wouldn't be interested

i could recite verses
on love

but it wouldn't make a difference

i could scream
how sick i am
of living someone else's life

but it wouldn't change anything

i'll just step off the soap-box
wander into the crowd
become anonymous
and silent

Monday, December 14, 2009

VERTIGO

Deep Inner-Ear Infections-

quite possibly one of the worst things to happen to a girl on the go.

I DON'T HAVE TIME TO BE SICK ANYMORE!!!

you have already destroyed my 3-day weekend, i've lost 6 pounds in 3 days, i can't hear shit, i'm loaded up on more sudafed than you wanna think about, i'm fairly certain my head is imploding, AND I HAVE TO WORK IN THE MORNING!

not to mention laundry, dishes, christmas shopping, and photo-shoots.

fuck. fuckfuckfuck.

damn you, immune system- you were supposed to take care of this.

GRRRRR

Monday, December 7, 2009

Don't Bother, You're Way Too Late

A year and a half of promises that meant nothing
3 months of kisses and touches that meant even less
and the final realization that you just don't matter...

And I'm just left wondering why I cared in the first place.

Disillusioned

Disgusted

&

Over you at last

Please shut the door on your way out.
It won't be open when you come back.