Friday, November 27, 2009

Keep Up, Kid- You Don't Wanna Miss This



jet-set sex-kitten
dressed for success
and ready to run
can you keep up?

i didn't think so

maybe i'll move to india
and be a princess
i'll be the only blond
in mumbai
who wears black-patent boots
with 8-inch heels
to bed
on a monday afternoon

i thought you might like that :-)

maybe i'll rocket off
to times square
and dance in the lights
in nothing but sequins
and let the new york rain
wash the glitter from my face
i'll let new york see me
unpainted

or maybe not

maybe i'll fill a french villa
with white grand pianos
and ivory roses
and stomp around the
fragile fragments
of a life
in war-boots
and a wedding gown
just because i can

i wish you could be there to see it

jet-set drama-queen
dressed to kill
with damn good aim
can you keep up?

i didn't think so



(webcam self-portrait)

Bad News


.baby i thought you knew... i'm up to no good.



(webcam self-portrait)

Falling Out Farther Than I Fell In

every time they say your name
it hurts just a little
less
i guess i'm finally coming down
from the high
i called fairy-child
your blue eyes
and your white light
seem a little dimmer
with each passing night
and i guess i finally see
i won't die
without you

i'm tired of wishing
on invisible stars
and oxidized pennies
for a girl with your smile
and i guess i'm tired
of praying so hard
but being too scared
to say your name out loud
i told a priest
i think about you every day
and i said-
father, i'm scared i always will
but five hail mary's later
i guess i feel a little better
maybe tomorrow will pass
without your shadow

you are not who i remember
i guess she died across state lines
you are not who i remember
i guess she's really gone
you are not who i remember
cuz she would never lie
you are not who i remember
i just wish she'd said goodbye

every time they say your name
i forget you a little bit
more
i guess the rehab
may have been worth
the pain
and as you left my veins, dear
i clung on to the ache
but i guess i finally see
i'm better off
without you

i'm tired of fighting
to keep your memory
alive
and the songs we used to play
have all gone silent
and i begged the goddess of the night
to take you from my dreams
and darling, i guessed it worked-
i haven't seen your face in weeks

you are not who i remember
i guess she died across state lines
you are not who i remember
i guess she's really gone
you are not who i remember
cuz she would never lie
you are not who i remember
i just wish she'd said goodbye

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Sunday, November 22, 2009

.BLOND.

"I don't think a woman is really a woman
unless she's a blond, y'know?"
-Gia Carangi



maybe i'll dye my hair
let the bleach soak into my brain
inhale the chemical
like you snorted yours
and maybe i'll get extensions
woven in
fake hair to suit my fake self
let the curls fall
around my
breasts
those are real
but only because i don't have the money
maybe i'll be
the prettiest girl
in the world
someday
made entirely of
synthetics
and
paint
i could be perfect too, babe
and maybe then
i could finally say
FUCK YOU

Thursday, November 19, 2009

R E I N V E N T

hold on tight, kids
looks like it's about that time
time to
reinvent
change
begin again
be someone new

i suppose the question is-
where do i begin?
who do i want to be today?
who will i be happy as tomorrow?

i need a
new name
new face
new body
new life

now how do i become HER?

Hours To Wait, No Time To Lose

i think i'll lose my mind tonight
walk on the water
and wait for the sunrise
i'll shut out the cold
with sad songs
and sadder voices
i'll fall into a sweet sea
and float away
on your sound-waves
you won't miss me
till the morning
when no one
hits the snooze button
for you
and i hope that ringing
in your ears
never dies
i think i'll lose my mind tonight
run to the horizon
and fly

Scarlet Inscription

spell it out
scarlet letters tell the story
say it again
make me understand
why your desires
mean so much more than mine

release it
all that's left of pride
it's in my blood
and i will carve it out
inscribe your name
a reminder
of who i belong to

Monday, November 9, 2009

Bottom Of The Barrel

i will swallow your poison
numb the ache
scratch the itch

it burns on the way down
like a cigarette
but stronger

i've been waiting for a long time
count the days
count the hours

forget the soundless screams
roaring hurt
lifeless lies

just forget it ever happened
as i reach the bottom
of the barrel

SnakeBite

skinny girls
writhing with nightmares
chained in
drawn out
devil girls
shrieking their curses
legs bare
sprinting through corn-fields
tip-toe
past the curtains
cross the wood floors
cracked and caving
trapped inside the old house
with the sting
of her sin



(randomly inspired by Black Snake Moan)

Wine Lust

i wrote words
and kept hoping you'd read
the secrets at my fingertips
the silence i spilled
i created a new world
of letters and love-songs
i'd waltz with you
if you'd only call
wine-induced reveries
in 35 millimeter
black and white
you were my poems
and now you're nothing
but forever's dream
and tomorrow's regret

R H Y T H M

rockstars make love
in the middle of the day
taste sweet sweat
feel muscle pulse
take it in
take it all
and give nothing back
arch into his rhythm
and implode

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Miss Popular

i collect names and numbers
like stamps
in a little book
leather bound
spine still stiff

i only open it
to tell myself
i'm popular

yeah, i've got friends all over the world
beautiful people
with beautiful bodies
and beautiful minds

they don't call me by my real name

yeah, i've got friends all over the world
but they're not the kind of friends you call
when you're crying...

Bare Bones Romance

weighing the options
on a sliding scale
in the room we shared
littered with glossy vogue'ing beauties
in child sized jeans
and too much eyeliner
lions' manes frame skeleton face
it's not a stairway to heaven
it's a ladder
tell me i'm pretty
but i won't believe it
alien angels were always more your style
enjoy your skeletons on the wall
i'll just keep wishing i were taller

Spaghetti Poems

night doesn't fall here like it did back home
slow and glowing
vivid tangerine rose
here, it comes crashing
heavy
unforgiving
from gray days to black
don't blink
god, i miss the sunset

Thursday, November 5, 2009

2010 Travel Plans

PLACES I WANT TO GO

New York City/Brooklyn/Long Island
Chicago
Nashville
LA
Portland
Toronto
Montreal
Milwaukee
Virginia (especially Alexandria, Springfield, and Woodbridge)
DC
Hollywood
Las Vegas
Houston
Florida (especially Naples, Tampa, St Pete's, and Clearwater Beach)
Boston
Philadelphia
Dallas



anyone who wants to help with travel expenses,
offer a couch to crash on,
or talk about shooting,
please don't hesitate to contact me!

xoxox

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

G R O U P I E


i don't want to be the girl
who got backstage
i want to be the one
with the microphone



(a webcam self-portrait)

C R Y P T I C

the secret lives
of beautiful girls
deviant minds
&
scarred souls
chronicled
for all time
in riddles
that even you
with all the kings horses
and all the kings men
could never put back together
yes, i'm writing about you
but even if you knew
where to find the words
you will never
find the story
in these scars

Victory Is Feeling Empty

cold
somewhere deeper
in the pit of my stomach
in that place you never reached
hollow
in the core of me
you consumed my insides
i guess i did something right

Ohio Is For Lost Boys

self-medicate
with drug-words
poems carved into skin
burns that leave you blackened
on the inside
i may not recall your name
but i will never forget your face
every time i drink
it gets more vivid
technicolor memory
rapid cut
change the angle
see the shadows beneath your eyes
see the lies
you whispered the dialogue perfectly
my marilyn
my james dean
hollywood never looked so good
as it does through your rose-colored lens
wish you were here
in ohio
i wish you were here
to feel the cold
i wish you were here
to watch the sun set
i wish you were here

Rabbit Food

i'm sick of carrots
of living on rabbit food
nicotine
and green tea
in the hopes it'll make me
something i never was-
pretty.
another glass of water
and that's where i draw the line
another cigarette
and i'll be fine
spent hours
wasted in a mirror
wasted away
living reflections
that no one else can see
and echoes of mother dear-
'maybe you shouldn't eat that'
there's a boy that loves me
and tells me i'm sexy
but his blue eyes don't see what i see
maybe you need better glasses, darling
maybe then you'll understand
i'm sick of obsessing
over pictures
of skeleton dances
and runway revivals
staring for hours
at the hip-bone hills
and jacob's ladders
and piano-key ribs
that i could only dream of
5-foot 8-inches
pipe dreams left to smolder
in the ashtray
with my last meal

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Butterfly Kisses

i bit my lip
till red wine poured out
a bitter shimmer
and i painted my kisses ruby
with the taste
you never even looked up
from your diary
from your fan-mail
telecommunicate
or just email
3 hours isn't that long, love
100 miles isn't that far
i'll never be
Miss Worth Your Time
and maybe i never wanted to
a hairspray high
isn't enough
to kill this craving
that's killing me
the phone never rang
not once
and i guess i'm not shocked
like i should be
that's the trouble with butterflies-
watching them fly away
after they land
on your finger

Your Love Lacked Substance

status quo silence
guess it shouldn't surprise me
i bought sunglasses today
cuz they reminded me of you
rhinestone reality
cheap shine, no substance
i guess that was you
all along

promises like lightning
they die on your lips
and kisses like snowflakes
that don't ever stick
spun-sugar lovers
you left my skin sticky
but i guess that was all there was
to you

E M A C I A T E- by Visions Of Excess


stretched
spread thin
over an ivory frame
your bones
stab through
just to remind you
they're there
pale
and
skinny
aren't you
pretty?
as you
waste away...




Boyd, we are SOOOO glad you're back!
We did some amazing work this weekend-
let's make more ART!
xoxox

Liquor Life

the words we can't take back
burn
more than the whiskey
that made us say it
from the start

if you want to love somebody
baby, who am i to stop you?
i'll just need another drink
to wash it down with

fuck me harder
love me deeper
even if it's just for now
i won't remember it in the morning
anyhow
touch me softer
kiss me slower
even if it's just for tonight
for a minute, let me believe
it'll be alright
cuz baby, it'll be alright

and the thoughts that blur and buzz
won't matter when tomorrow comes
and the wine is sweeter now
than it was before

now i lay me down to sleep
this liquor life is killing me
but i'll forget what i said
and the words won't matter anymore

fuck me harder
love me deeper
even if it's just for now
i won't remember it in the morning
anyhow
touch me softer
kiss me slower
even if it's just for tonight
for a minute, let me believe
it'll be alright
cuz baby, it'll be alright

Monday, November 2, 2009

Like The First Time- by SPRINGHEEL


it was just like the first time
a hand on my shoulder
a shadow kiss
and then nothing
but the shards of beauty
and a memory of the things we can't do over





Clint, darlin', you always make me look so perfect!
Thank you for dancing with me.
<3

Sunday, November 1, 2009

RockStar- by Jose G


This shot makes me look like something out of Rolling Stone, and I love it!
Thank you, Jose! xox

Trust Is Overrated.

it makes me really sad when you give someone a second chance (or a third... or a seventh...) and they still fall through... maybe i trust people too easily, or maybe i'm just trusting the wrong people entirely, but either way- i guess i shouldn't have.

people say they want to repair friendships between us, people say they promise, people say they care... they don't. people say they want to be a part of my life... they don't. people say i mean so much to them... i don't; at least not enough for them to keep a simple promise or show an ounce of respect.

fuck it. maybe i'll just be a hermit.