Tuesday, April 28, 2009

could you...

could you PLEASE at least pretend to be interested in anything i have to say for a minute?
could you please return some of the affection i shower on you?
could you please acknowledge that i exist?
could you please stop expecting me to pamper you all day every day if you can't even be there for me when i'm sick and in pain?
could you please be honest with me?
could you please act like i'm more than an assistant, a masseur, and a whore to you?
could you please tell me what's going on?
could you please be in love with me again- even if just for a minute?

Sunday, April 26, 2009

a day gone wrong

everything seems wrong today... everything seems different.
i want to call someone, but i don't know who to talk to...
i want to tell someone what's going on in my head, but i don't feel like i can trust anyone...
i want to be held, even if just for a minute, but there's no one here...
i want to feel like me again.
i want to feel okay.
why is that so hard?

Monday, April 6, 2009

I Am Not Worthy

i am not worthy
of your time
of your eyes
of your kisses or touches or even your thoughts
i don't deserve you
or your intoxicating loving
or your blood blue stare
i wish i were okay
i wish i could lie
and tell you i am
but you always knew
looked right through me
like looking through water to the bottom of the barrel
i am not worthy
of your memory
of your dreams
or even your nightmares
i don't deserve you
or your death-defying heart
we fought gravity
we were the wind
ever changing
ever moving
we were the stars
forever glowing
you and i were something special
something real
well, that's what i believed
but now
i am not worthy
of even a scribbled letter
to say you miss me
i don't deserve it
not your memory
i am nothing
but a ghost

if you would...

...kindly take like 5 minutes off hitting on every other model you can find, right in front of me, that would be rad.
i don't mind a little innocent flirting, but this... enough.
we all know you're hot.
we all know girls throw themselves at you.
thanks for rubbing it in.
and you wonder why i stay out of the MM forums...

I Just Need An Answer

it's been a long time since i really seriously thought about ending it.
i've only hurt myself once in the last 8 months.
i thought i was doing pretty well.
but right now...
it's all i can think about.
how bad i need to hurt, to bleed, to forget...
how bad i need it all to stop.
i don't want to fight anymore.
i really don't.
i just need an answer.

why is it always the day after you leave that we fight like this?

Thursday, April 2, 2009

...make it go away...

tonight it hurts too much...